


he lies, but it's the fairytale you want

by moxleysbaby



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst galore tbh, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ballum Big Bang 2020 (Eastenders), Fluff, M/M, ends happy tho, its 8k idek anymore tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxleysbaby/pseuds/moxleysbaby
Summary: “Well come on then. Let’s hear it.” There Ben went again. Trying to rile Callum up.With a sigh, Callum sat down in the seat opposite Ben in silence for a moment. He wanted to word his thoughts carefully because he didn’t want Ben to misunderstand him. The problem with all of this was the broken promise. It wasn’t that Ben had met Tubbs and Martin and pulled another job, though Callum wasn’t happy about that either, it was because Ben had promised Callum that he would go straight. He had promised and he knew how much it meant to Callum that Ben kept his word but he broke the promise anyways.Perhaps a younger, more naive Callum wouldn’t have said anything. But this time Callum wasn’t letting this go. He wouldn’t. He had to stand up for himself, their relationship and the trust it was built on.“I just want to know why. Why-” Callum’s voice got stuck. He was trying to be tough and say what he felt but the truth was that Ben had broken his trust and that hurt. It hurt like hell. “I want to know what was so important that you had to break the trust that I had in you.”or- the three moments au where ben fucks up, then callum fucks up, then one time they get it right...
Relationships: Ben Mitchell & Phil Mitchell, Ben Mitchell/Lexi Pearce, Callum "Halfway" Highway & Ben Mitchell & Lexi Pearce, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42
Collections: Ballum Big Bang 2020





	he lies, but it's the fairytale you want

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be part of the ballum big bang but because of some complications i wasn't able to post until now! 
> 
> please check out the artwork accompanying this fic [here](https://totallyradioactive15.tumblr.com/post/622966610746015745/ballum-big-bang-2020-entry-7th-july-2020-he) and [here ](https://totallyradioactive15.tumblr.com/post/622966541661683712/ballum-big-bang-2020-entry-7th-july-2020-he)
> 
> i really hope you all enjoy and please leave kudos and comments if you did!

_When they got it wrong..._

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything.” Ben was goading Callum. They both knew what this was. Ben wanted Callum to say something, do something that would give him an excuse to escape the situation. But Callum wasn’t lying down that easy this time. He wasn’t going to let Ben break them up. Not this time. 

“No.” 

“Why not? Haven’t you got anything to say?” Ben was still goading him and Callum was fighting the urge to roll his eyes and give in.

“Oh, I’ve got loads I want to say. But I’m not going to say them right now. I’m not going to let you use my emotions as an excuse. Not this time.” Callum’s even tone was startling. 

People didn’t think Callum could be hardheaded but they had no idea what Callum would do for the people he loves. Ben was known for being stubborn but nobody knew just how stubborn Callum could be.

The pair entered a competition, both boring holes into the other with piercing looks as if daring the other to make the first move. Typically Ben would have won, but when it came to Callum, Ben was weak. Callum’s resolve was scary. His even tone was unnerving. It scared Ben. So it was Ben who made the first move. Dropping his eyes with a huff, Ben grabbed his coat and phone he had thrown over the arm of the sofa and made to move towards the door. 

“Where are you going?” 

Ben didn’t reply. The only response Callum got was the door to the flat slamming shut as Ben stormed out. Callum considered going after him but decided against it. He knew that nothing would be solved tonight. He knew things would only blow up further if he went after Ben. Callum decided that he would text Lola to let him know if Ben got home alright and send a text to Tina who he knew was working at the Albert tonight if she saw him. 

Once Callum had taken care of those two things, he debated sending a text to Ben but decided that he’d leave him alone for the night and speak to him tomorrow. He called it a night and got a few hours of sleep if you could even call it that. Callum wasn’t lying when he said that he had somethings to get off his chest but he knew that if he said them tonight, Ben wouldn’t hear him clearly and he would take things the wrong way which would only blow things further out of proportion. 

The alarm blaring through his room, startled Callum as it always did. Though it never took a lot to wake him up, the nightmares he kept to himself didn’t let him rest a lot and being in the army meant you had to be a light sleeper. It also meant that Callum would wake like clockwork at about 6 in the morning without fail. Didn’t matter what day it was or whether he had nothing to do.

Turning over, Callum slapped his hand around in the general vicinity of his alarm clock, bashing around until it turned off. He turned back over onto his back with a sigh. Today was going to be a long day and Callum knew it. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting a moment of peace that he knew he wouldn’t get before throwing the warm covers off and beginning to get ready for work. Callum didn’t bother getting breakfast at home, instead choosing to run to the cafe and grab something despite the gut feeling that told him it wouldn’t end well for him. 

Grabbing his phone, wallet and keys, Callum strolled across the street to the cafe and to the counter where Kathy was stood, taking orders for the morning rush. Callum considered walking back out, not knowing if Ben had said anything to Kathy about last night or not but before he could even process the thought, she had spoken to him.

“Morning Callum! What can I get for ya?”

“Morning, just a coffee to go please!” Callum’s smile didn’t reach his eyes like they normally would and his eyes weren’t as bright either but Kathy already knew that. 

She had a feeling that something had happened last night because most times, Ben would spend the night at Callum’s rather than come back and disturb everyone in the house. Last night however, he had returned relatively early and in a very huffy mood. Storming upstairs, he didn’t come back out for anything till the next morning. 

Even in the morning, Ben was off. Ben wasn’t a morning person at all but with Lexi he was always happy. This morning couldn’t have been more different though. He had been off with her and that was why they were in the cafe. However, Kathy decided not to comment on it, hoping that the boys would sort it out between themselves. She busied around for a minute and soon enough, a coffee was ready for Callum. 

He paid for it and was just about to grab the coffee and go when he hears Lexi’s voice and the running of squeaky school shoes behind him. He turns around just in time to catch Lexi hugging his legs. 

“Hi darling! Ya alright?”

“Yup! I’m having breakfast with daddy! Are you coming?”

Callum considered saying no but when Lexi gives him those hopeful puppy dog eyes, he finds it hard to resist and break her heart. Deciding to suck it up and be an adult about this whole thing, Callum agreed. 

Plastering a small smile on his face, Callum allowed Lexi to grab his hand and drag him over to the booth in the corner where Ben was sat fiddling with his phone looking busy. “Look who I found daddy!” 

Ben’s head tilted up reluctantly as he faced the crystal blue eyes he was shamefully hoping to avoid and smiled softly because turning to Lexi and widening his smile so as not to give away that there was something wrong. “That’s great baby!” 

Callum again considered putting distance between himself and Ben and grab a chair but seeing Lexi staring at him again, he decided against it. If he did then he would only have to face questions he didn’t necessarily have answers to, or at least none that would be appropriate for Lexi. Callum settled in the space next to Ben, turning and giving him a small smile so as not to drop the illusion they were portraying for Lexi. Though Callum knew she was smarter than people gave her credit for and she could probably tell what was happening or at least that something was wrong. 

They listen to Lexi natter on about a project they’re doing at school till about 8:25 when Ben spoke, “come on darling! We’ve got to get you to school or your mum will have my head on a stick!” His tone was not serious but he knew damn well that if Lola found out he had been late in dropping Lexi off, she would most definitely have a go at him.

“Can Callum come with us?” 

Ben stammered around a response and Callum got the hint that perhaps that wasn’t the best idea so he jumped in with an excuse. “Sorry Lex, I’ve gotta get to work. Maybe another day yeah?” He put on a sheepish face because he really didn’t mind coming to drop her off, he still had enough time before work but he knew that the walk back was one to dread. 

“Promise?” 

“Course darling. Promise I’ll come another time!” He squatted down to her height and pressed a small kiss on her cheek before standing up. 

Ben gathered Lexi’s stuff, passing her the backpack to put on and held his hand out for her to take and were about to walk off. However a hand on Callum’s arm stopped Ben. When Ben turned around, he saw the look in Callum’s eyes. He had seen those eyes before but they had never been directed at him, typically Stuart or Rainie when they were getting too much for him. 

Pursing his lips nervously, Ben turned back to Lexi. “Just give me a second baby!” Ben gave her a small smile to reassure her that everything was fine before turning back to Callum. 

Ben resisted the urge to raise his eyebrows at Callum, knowing that in that moment, it would most likely only aggravate him further. He hoped simply his attention was enough to give Callum the go ahead to speak. 

“We need to talk about last night.” Callum left it at that.

“Uh yeah- yeah okay. I’ll meet you at the car lot when I’m back from dropping Lexi off yeah?” Ben stuttered his response and waited for Callum to nod before grabbing Lexi’s hand again. 

Callum skirted around the pair, wishing Lexi a good day at school as she waved goodbye to him. Ben waited for a minute before walking out of the cafe with Lexi, yelling out a thanks and goodbye to his mum on the way out.

Lexi had been abnormally quiet on the way to school but Ben just assumed she was tired so he didn’t mention it. His mind was also a little preoccupied with the events of last night and this mornings. Ben and Lexi had just reached the school gates and it was nearly time for Lexi to go inside with her teacher. She would normally run off as soon as she was given the chance to play with her friends but today she simply stood by Ben, holding his hand tightly. 

He didn’t mind Lexi being next to him, of course, he didn’t, but the feeling something was wrong with her wouldn’t leave Ben so he bent down slightly, grabbing her other hand in his. “You alright baby? What’s going on?”

“Daddy, can I ask you something?”

“Course you can princess. Anything.”

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

“Pinky promise.” Ben let go of one of Lexi’s hands and stuck his pinky out and looping it around hers when she followed suit. “Now come on, what’s going on?”

“Is-is Callum angry at me?” Ben’s heart shattered. Lexi’s bottom lip wobbled as her eyes began to water and Ben knew he had to say something.

“No! No baby, he’s not angry at you. I promise he’s not. Why do you think he’s angry at you?”

“He just wasn’t saying anything in the morning and I-I thought it was because of something I did.” The way Lexi had cowered into herself hurt Ben to his core. His normally preppy and happy-go-lucky daughter was upset and it hurt even more because he knew that the reason Callum hadn’t said much this morning was because of what he had done last night. 

“No. Baby I promise you, he’s not angry at you. Callum is just-” Ben cut himself off, taking a moment to decide how he would phrase this in a way that wouldn’t bring too many questions that Ben couldn’t answer. “Callum is just not very happy with daddy right now.”

“Did you say sorry to him? You and mummy always tell me that if we make someone upset, we should say sorry to them.”

“Yeah, baby you’re right. I’ll say sorry soon as I see him okay?”

Lexi didn’t have a chance to reply as her class was being called in by their teacher. Ben stood up, quickly pressing two kisses to her head before giving her a small push on her back, sending her in the direction of her awaiting teacher and friends. 

Sighing, Ben rubbed his hands over his face before turning out of the playground and beginning the walk back home. He was dreading the conversation waiting for him at the car lot. He had no idea what was coming. He knew Callum was not happy and he knew that it was his own doing that had done that but he just didn’t know how to stop. 

He got to the car lot, pushing the door open and found it completely empty. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ben got to sorting out the deals for the day. He had only gone through the paperwork for three deals however when the door creaked open. In walked Callum looking as handsome as ever and if this was any other day, he might’ve teased Callum about how he just couldn’t keep away from Ben. But this was not just any other day and Ben had some explaining to do.

“Well come on then. Let’s hear it.” There Ben went again. Trying to rile Callum up. 

With a sigh, Callum sat down in the seat opposite Ben in silence for a moment. He wanted to word his thoughts carefully because he didn’t want Ben to misunderstand him. The problem with all of this was the broken promise. It wasn’t that Ben had met Tubbs and Martin and pulled another job, though Callum wasn’t happy about that either, it was because Ben had promised Callum that he would go straight. He had promised and he knew how much it meant to Callum that Ben kept his word but he broke the promise anyways. 

Perhaps a younger, more naive Callum wouldn’t have said anything. But this time Callum wasn’t letting this go. He wouldn’t. He had to stand up for himself, their relationship and the trust it was built on. 

“I just want to know why. Why-” Callum’s voice got stuck. He was trying to be tough and say what he felt but the truth was that Ben had broken his trust and that hurt. It hurt like hell. “I want to know what was so important that you had to break the trust that I had in you.”

Ben continued to stare blankly at Callum. That’s not to say he didn’t feel any emotion, seeing Callum like this was cutting him up inside. Unfortunately the walls Callum broke down went up faster than you could blink. It was so easy for Ben to do this. He knew that he could irritate people, get them to hate him when he wanted and he knew how to use it to his advantage too. 

Ben knew how to shut down and frustrate Callum very easily. He knew exactly which buttons to press and make it seem like he didn’t care but he should’ve known Callum would see right through his act. 

_Callum always saw him._

Realising that this conversation was going nowhere, Callum decided to leave it for now and try again later when Ben hopefully wouldn’t shut down on him the way he had just now. He stood up with a huff, muttering a quick ‘ _fine’_ and began walking to the door. Callum was just about to pull the handle down when he heard Ben say something. Being in his thoughts however, Callum hadn’t heard actually heard what Ben said.

“What?”

Raising his voice slightly, Ben repeated his words, “I’m sorry alright?”

Callum took in a deep breath before turning around. “Why?” there was a lot of endings that could be tacked onto the question. _Why did you meet Martin and Tubbs? Why did you pull that job even when you promised not to do anymore dodgy deals? Why did you promise me something if you knew you would only break it?_

“I- I wasn’t - I didn’t-” Ben grew increasingly frustrated at his inability to explain himself. He had a lot to say but there was no way he could get it out without sounding like he was asking for pity or for someone to feel sorry for him. Because he wasn’t. He didn’t want someone’s pity at all. 

“I did it for my dad.” Ben spoke unusually quietly. Everyone knew Ben was nothing if not brash and loud but in this moment, he couldn’t find the energy to keep up appearances. Not when he knew Callum would see right through it anyways. “He was- he was saying stuff and I wanted to prove him wrong and I went and fucked it up because I’m me so of course I did.” 

Callum’s resolve crumbled slightly. Not a lot, he was still angry but he sympathised a bit. He knew the type of dad Phil Mitchell could be, he had a dad like that and he felt for Ben. Having Phil as a dad was no easy feat. It came with constant hot and cold moods, empty gestures, manipulation, homophobia and essentially emotional abuse. 

But unfortunately Ben was only human. His need to feel loved or worthy of the Mitchell family name didn’t seem to be going away any time soon so when his dad had called and asked him to come over, Ben had gone like a lapdog. 

Callum wanted to tread gently like he had before but he was sick of Ben doing this. It wasn’t the first time Ben had done this, Callum wasn’t an idiot but he didn’t want to make a big issue out of it. Looking back now, Callum wishes he had so that he could’ve prevented all of this. No, now Callum was angry and there was nothing that would hold him back. 

With a face like thunder, Callum spat out the words into the air, “so if your dad said jump, you’d say how high? Is that how it’s always going to be Ben?” 

The words lingered in the air for a few moments, allowing both men to let them sink in. It didn’t take long for Ben to react to the harsh cuts Callum had spoken into the atmosphere. 

“Why can’t you ever just support me?!”

Now Callum really had to stand up for himself, he wouldn’t have Ben going around like Callum had never supported him, “are you serious right now? How can you say that when I have done nothing but support you this entire time? This is ridiculous!”

“No but do you know what is ridiculous though? You! You constantly shit on me over my dad but I mean, I guess it’s easy to tell when your dad was a piece of shit though isn’t it? At least I want to have relationship with mine!” 

With that, Ben stormed out of the car lot without a second glance or thought to what he had just said. Callum didn’t even have a chance to reply, though he wasn’t sure what he could even say to that. He stood in shock for a moment wondering what had just happened and what to do. 

Callum was left conflicted on whether to go after Ben or to give him space. Every bone in Callum's body screamed at him to go after Ben but he knew that pushing him again would only make things worse and to be honest, he needed a bit of space himself. He considered going to the Vic or E20 to grab a drink but decided against it and went straight home. 

When he got to the flat, the silence was deafening and while he hoped that Ben would have come straight here, he knew that the possibility of that happening wasn’t very high. With a sigh, he made himself a coffee before settling on the sofa and waiting for Ben to get home. He wasn’t sure how long it had been before he was being lightly awakened by a gentle hand on his shoulder and a soft whisper in his ear. 

_Ben._

He’d know that touch anywhere. 

Groaning sleepily, Callum shuffled to the bedroom with the help of Ben who sat him on the edge of the bed and helped him change into his pyjamas. Callum got into bed and it wasn’t long before Ben joined him too. 

“Where did ya go?” Callum slurred still half asleep.

“Don’t worry, we’ll talk tomorrow, go back to sleep babe.” Ben scooted in closer to Callum, resting his head on Callum's chest and taking comfort in the smooth rise and fall beneath him and the warm arms that pulled him closer. 

When Callum woke up, he wasn’t sure what to expect, a warm body next to him or the sound of curses coming from the kitchen as Ben attempted to make something resembling the most important meal of the day. He didn’t expect to find anything but cold, empty sheets next to him. 

With a huff, Callum once again pulled himself out of bed to get ready for the day. As he bustled around, he didn’t notice the newspaper with a neon yellow sticky note on it until he sat down with his breakfast.

The note was written in Ben’s sloppy handwriting and asked him to meet Ben at 6pm in a suit with an address below. It was still early but Callum didn’t know how long it took to get to the place so he put it into google maps and saw it only took half an hour. Callum gave himself until four before getting ready and headed off to the tube station towards Lambeth. 

It didn’t take long until Callum had arrived at the flat and he took a deep breath before finding the flat number, double checking it with the address Ben had written on the note. When he got to the door, there was another note telling him to locate the key on the top of the door frame and let himself in. 

Callum wondered exactly what he was about to walk into and more importantly, whose house he was about to walk into. The key clicked in the door and as he let himself in, there was an attack on just about every sense he had. He took in the sight before him. The place was littered with small tealight candles on just about every surface in sight, fairy lights draped all over the place and the rose petals all over the floor wafted a sweet smell through the house. But the most beautiful sight that stood out to him was Ben in his incredible navy blue suit and the bundle of pink and peach roses in his hand. 

With nervous smiles draped over each of their faces, they tentatively moved closer, though Callum still looked thoroughly confused and Ben couldn’t help but fall more in love with that. Ben thrust the flowers he was holding into Callum's arms, letting him smell them gently, shoulders dropping slightly and visibly relaxing as he did so.

"What's all this then?" He asked, unease still written across his face.

Ben shifted, "I wanted to apologise. For the night before last. Yesterday, in the car lot, I- I was out of order. I shouldn't have said that to you, you know, about me actually wanting to have a relationship with my dad and all that."

Hearing Ben repeat that still stung Callum. He knew that Ben had said it out of anger, but sometimes when you're angry, you say the things that you really _want_ to say. 

The truth always comes out when you're angry. 

So Callum wasn't letting Ben off that easily tonight. He wanted to hear him out - of course he did - but he needed to give Ben a few home truths. In the nicest way possible. 

"I know Ben, but that hurt me. Do you really think I don't wanna have a good relationship with my dad? That's the whole reason I went to the army, the _only_ reason me and Whit happened. It was just to make my dad proud. But then I realised something. I realised that he was never going to love me, regardless of who I kissed or where I worked. I'd always be scrawny old Callum, the one who drove his mum to insanity, the one who left my dad without his wife. No matter what, he'll always blame _me_ for my mum leaving, sexuality and jobs aside." He placed a hand on Ben's thigh, his knee touching Callum's as they'd moved to sit on the fluffy sofa in the middle of the dimly-lit room. "I had to stop trying to please him all the time. It was driving me to the grave, trying to be someone I wasn't. I wanted a good relationship with him and I tried so _hard_ , but sometimes, trying hard isn't enough."

Ben nodded. He knew he shouldn't have said that, knew that Callum had tried everything with his dad, but couldn't stop himself. That's what tonight was about though, hopefully a time for talking, eventual forgiveness and starting again. 

This was all Callum wanted. He wanted Ben to speak to him, tell him things. No secrets, no lies, just everything out in the open. 

"I know, babe, and- and I'm really, _truly,_ sorry for what I said, but you know what it's like when my dad tells me he wants me to do something, I-"

"You drop everything you're holding and go. I get it." Callum cut him off sharply. "It doesn't matter if it could get you killed, you know, leave me without you and Lexi without a _father._ " He emphasised, posture going rigid and hands putting the flowers down on the coffee table in front of him with one fluid movement.

"Don't you _dare_ bring my daughter into this!" Ben hissed, pointing a finger at his boyfriend. "I know what I'm doing, and if he needs my help, I'll help him. So what if I get a busted nose or something, at least then once I've got the job done he actually notices me in the street or in the Vic or something without just walking straight past me!" 

Callum couldn't believe what he was hearing, couldn't believe how badly Phil had managed to get inside Ben's head to the point that he'd put himself in a position where he'd abandon his own daughter forever. He let out a scoff, "you don't get it, do you? That's the only reason he wants you around, Ben. All he wants is for you to do his dirty work for him, nothing else."

Ben stood up, ready to walk away again, but before his brain told his legs to move, he had already snapped out another sentence. "You don't know that. You don't know _nothing_ about me and my dad," he spat, his face dangerously close to Callum's.

Callum stood up too, ready to leave, not wanting to hear Ben taking his dad's side over him again. He was just about to gather his coat from the back of the sofa when he turned around and shouted possibly the cruelest thing that had ever come out of his mouth, just wanting to shut Ben. He didn't think about the consequences. 

"It's not going to make your dad love you any more! You do know that don't you!?"

The house fell silent. The tension fizzled out and was replaced by layers upon layers of regret, pain and hurt. Callum slapped a hand across his own mouth, eyes wide with disbelief at the words that'd come from him, destroying the trust between him and Ben. 

He'd just used Ben's biggest insecurity against him, and my god did he want to smash his own head against a brick wall.

"Fuck Ben, Ben I am so sorr-"

"Get out." He told Callum sternly, wanting to hold back the tears until he was alone.

"Ben please, I didn't mean it I-"

"Get. Out." He told him again.

Callum opened his mouth to say something, taking a step closer to Ben when Ben screamed, "GET OUT" over and over and over again, pushing Callum towards the door and throwing him onto the front porch, slamming the door in his face. He could hear Ben's choked sobs escaping him from the outside where he was slumped against the blue door, things smashing against the wall too. 

_Maybe there was no coming back from this._

*****

It wasn't until later that night when Callum was tossing and turning in a cold and empty bed, unable to sleep, that he really reflected on what he'd said a few hours ago.

Callum had fucked up. He had royally fucked up. It wasn’t normal for Callum to be the one who screws things up but it seemed fitting that when he did fuck up, he had done it in spectacular fashion. 

He knew it the second he had said it too. The second he hard uttered the horrendous words that left a bitter taste in his mouth, he knew he had fucked up. 

_‘It’s not going to make your dad love you any more you know that don’t you?!’_

Callum winced as the words played back in his head over and over. The second Callum’s words sunk into Ben, he had screamed at him. Yelling over and over for Callum to leave. Callum was reluctant, he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay, get down on his knees and beg and grovel for Ben’s forgiveness. He wanted to tell him that he was sorry, he didn’t mean it and he was wrong for saying it. 

But he couldn’t because he’d screwed everything up.

He had made his lonely and cold bed and now he had to lie in it. He tossed and turned all night, wondering where Ben was, if he was out and about off his head, if he was okay. 

_Did he seem okay to you when you left?_ His brain unhelpfully supplied and he grimaced. 

He had to resist the urge to call Ben knowing that going after begging for forgiveness would only make the shutters come down harder. The moment he uttered those horrible words he could see Ben begin to shut down, not that he blamed him of course but it had hurt Callum to see how much his words had hurt Ben. Regardless of how things had been before that, there was no way Callum had ever wanted to hurt Ben and certainly not by using things Ben had told him in confidence that Callum would never use them against him. 

_But you did._

His brain once again was being very unhelpful and it wasn’t easing the worry Callum had that Ben was out there doing god knows what when they could’ve been cuddled up in their new flat if Callum had just engaged brain before mouth.

Callum realised he would not be getting any sleep tonight and sat up in bed grabbing his phone to call Ben in the hopes that he would pick up. He wasn’t surprised when it went straight to voicemail and was about to dial Lola or Jay when his gaze dropped on the time, 3:37am. There was no way he could wake either of them up at this hour. With a sigh, Callum decided to send a message to Ben. 

He sat contemplating on what would be appropriate after his harsh words earlier that day before deciding on a simple message. 

_I’m sorry, please come home Ben we need to talk about this. I love you x_

Realising there was not much else he could do except go out looking for Ben, Callum decided to go for a run in the hopes it’d tire him out enough to get a bit of sleep. He pulls on some joggers, an oversized hoodie and the running shoes Ben had bought him for his birthday. Shoving his phone into his pocket, he sets off running towards the park.

The run hadn’t helped clear his mind as much as he’d like as every time he lapped the park, Callum came across the bench that held so many memories for him and Ben. He laps the park twice before deciding that running for much longer alone in the dark wasn’t a great idea so he crosses the square, running through the empty market towards his flat. 

When he got home, Callum shrugged off his hoodie and collapsed on the sofa, sticking on some dodgy night time programme that had a woman trying to sell him earrings and a handbag. He wasn’t entirely sure when he had fallen asleep but he was woken up by the turning of the key in the lock and the squeaky swing of their front door. Even in his sleepy state, he recognised the steps coming up the stairs as Ben’s. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes knowing full well that if they’re having this conversation now, he’s going to need to be awake and coherent for it. 

Callum watches on as Ben tosses his keys and blazer onto the kitchen counter before turning towards the fridge, leaning over to get a beer and an bottle opener. He doesn’t offer one to Callum as he normally would though he’s not expecting an offer either. Callum sees how weighed down Ben is why his words. He can see the red rims of his eyes even as he dodges Callums eyes, he can see the way his shoulders are tense and his posture rigid. Callum did that. He might not have meant to but he put some of that there. 

Ben doesn’t stick around in the kitchen for much longer, he takes his beer into their bedroom leaving the door slightly ajar as an invitation to Callum but he doesn’t want to do this when Ben doesn’t seem to be in the mood. He can’t force Ben to listen to his apologies. Callum slumps back into the sofa thinking about what he can do while listening to Ben potter around in the bedroom. He decides that he’d make him a cup of tea. 

He makes a cup just how Ben likes it and works up the courage slowly but surely to just go into the room, leave the cup in there and walk back out. It was simple enough. Callum does exactly that, he walks into the bedroom, places the cup on the bedside table before walking swiftly back out. He sits back on the sofa, taking glances towards the bedroom door still left slightly ajar, watching for movement through the small crack.

Callum wasn’t sure how long it had been, it could’ve been five minutes or it could’ve been an hour, but eventually the light in the bedroom went out. He waited a little longer before deciding that he would just sleep on the sofa and give Ben some space. Grabbing a cushion and the thin blanket they kept over the back of the sofa, Callum flicked off the lamp and settled in for a few hours of kip. 

With Ben safe and sound and asleep, it didn’t take long for Callum to drift off until he was being gently shaken by a soft hand on his shoulder. He startles slightly until he makes out Ben through bleary eyes. “Why are you sleeping out here?” 

“I, um, I thought I’d give you some space after, y’know.” Callum’s eyes darted around the room slightly, never quite settling in one place for too long. 

Ben nodded lightly as if mulling over Callum’s words before deciding on a course of action. “You’ll hurt your back out here, come to bed,” Ben held out a hand for Callum to take in his. They held hands the entire way to bed, only separating to get into a comfortable position before they were both joined again. Callum still felt a little uncomfortable, perhaps undeserving of Ben’s kindness, not that Ben would agree but it was nice to have his lover back in his arms for the evening. Everything else would be sorted tomorrow. 

Callum’s inability to sleep past mid morning meant he was waking up at 9am on a Sunday. It did give him a chance to grab a shower and make some breakfast for Ben and himself so he counted his blessings. He couldn’t resist the urge to watch Ben sleep for a few minutes, counting the freckles on his face, resisting the urge to trace them like a game of dot to dot. He pulled Ben a little closer, holding him a little tighter, wondering briefly if this was the last time he’d get to do this despite knowing they were strong enough to get through this just as they had with everything else thrown at their relationship. 

Shaking his head lightly, Callum brushed those thoughts away and pressed a light kiss to Ben’s forehead, watching it wrinkle slightly at the touch with a soft smile before turning over to shower and make breakfast. 

Callum had just finished setting up breakfast on the table when Ben stumbled tiredly out of the bedroom. They moved around each other in relative silence, only speaking when spoken to or absolutely necessary. It wasn’t until breakfast had been devoured and cleaned up that they finally spoke. 

“I thought I could do it y’know?” 

Callum turns, confusion clearly etched on his face as he watched Ben wring his hands on the table, a clear sign of his nerves.

“I thought I could make him love me you know? I thought if I did all the dodgy deals and helped him all the time that it would make him love me. But I can’t.” Ben tipped his head to face Callum and look him in the eyes as he spoke. “I can’t make him love me because he doesn’t want to and nobody forces Phil Mitchell to do anything he doesn’t want to.” Ben was close to tears, choking on sobs he didn’t want to let out. 

If Callum had thought it would make any difference to the aching pain that his boyfriend was left with at the rejection of his father then he would go over there immediately. He would say something, yell and scream at Phil but both Callum and Ben knew that that wouldn’t help at all. There was no helping this. Phil Mitchell is not a man who changes his mind simply because it’s the right thing to do or because he’s been asked to and he certainly isn’t going to do that for Ben no matter how much he claims to be proud of him or love him. 

Not being able to stand and watch Ben become more distraught as he spoke, Callum moved back to his seat at the table, resting a hand atop it as an offering of comfort for Ben to take or leave. He doesn’t take it and Callum suspects that is because Ben needs some space to be able to work through his thoughts but he leaves it there to show he’s open and willing to listen.

Ben was silent for a minute and Callum took that as a sign that it was his chance to speak now. “Ben, you have to know that I didn’t mean what I said. I know that it was a low blow and I should never have even thought it let alone said it and for that I’m so sorry.” 

Callum wondered if he should add on what he was thinking and decided that he might as well get it out in the open. “It’s just… it took me a long long time to finally accept who I am and a lot of that was down to you. You gave me so much strength and you were there for me more than you will ever know. But, I still wasted years upon years of my life trying to please a man who was never going to be happy with me. Nothing I did could or would have ever pleased my dad because I was always going to have something ‘wrong’ with me. I just don’t want to see that happen to you too. I don’t want you to waste years and make sacrifices to please a man who was never going to be happy because I can’t bear to watch that happen.”

“You might’ve meant well but Cal, it still really hurt to hear that, especially from you. I can take it from other people because I know they only see what I let them see but with you, I let you see everything and to hear you point it out really hurt. The job wasn’t to impress my dad, I mean it was but that wasn’t the only reason for it either. I wanted to get us the deposit on the flat too, I saw it and I thought it would be great for us and I wanted to surprise you with it.”

Callum twists fully in his chair, sitting on it sideways so he could take his boyfriends hands and look him directly in the eye as he speaks, “Ben, I would live in Shrek's swamp with you if I had to, please don’t ever do those jobs to get money for us, I’ll take up extra shifts if I have to but I don’t want you doing those jobs because you think we need money. I would rather be homeless than be without you because I can’t not be with you. If you won’t do it for yourself then, then do it for me.” 

“I really don’t want to lose you over this, Cal”

“Did you hear what I just said? I’m not going anywhere Ben, I’m here for as long as you want me I just can’t have you going around doing things and taking risks like your life doesn’t matter because it does, it matters so much to me!” 

“I know, I know I have to stop this now. These past few days, I nearly ruined everything and it wouldn’t have even been worth it because if I’d have lost you then I don’t know what I would’ve done with myself! I can’t promise that I’ll cut my dad out entirely but I will stop the dodgy jobs and the risk taking.”

“Ben I don’t want you to cut your dad out entirely anyways, I would never ask you to make the choice between me and him, I just don’t want you doing these jobs is all.”

“I know, I know you’re just looking out for me and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” 

Callum let go of Ben’s hands, grasping his face pulling him in for a soft kiss, pressing a quiet “I love you” into his lips. 

“I love you too Cal, so so much, would do anything for you.”

It wasn’t until later then they had finished lunch and settled on the sofa for a film that Ben brought it up again. He was nestled in Callum’s side, a hand on his stomach as Callum’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. 

“I know I said it before but I really am sorry, Cal.”

“I know you are and I am too but it’s fine, it’s all forgotten now okay? Now I just want to cuddle with my man and watch a nice film.” He punctuated his words with a kiss on Ben’s forehead who only nuzzled in further as they settled back down. 

*****

_When they got it right…_

Ben walked in, shuffling his coat and shoes off before padding towards Callum and settling on the sofa next to him. He wanted nothing more than to cuddle up next to his man and have a nice evening in but Callum had said before ‘ _we don’t lie to each other’_ and Ben was not going to break that trust between them.

 _Here goes nothing_ , Ben thought. 

“Cal, I need to talk to you about something and I don’t want you to get angry or find out from someone else so I just need to tell you.” Ben was wringing his fingers in his lap, looking down as if he was ashamed. 

Callum turned to face him and with apprehension and confusion on his face he waited for Ben to continue. 

“I um- I saw my dad today.” Callum’s posture went rigid at Ben’s words but he tried with all his might to withhold any judgement until after he heard the full story.

“Yeah? What did he say?”

“What do you mean? How do you know he said anything?”

“Well, you wouldn’t be telling me you saw him if there wasn’t something else there right?”

Ben should’ve known Callum would catch onto his implication. “He um- he wanted me to do a job for him.”

Sitting with bated breath, Callum awaited the answer to his next question, “what did you say to him?”

Ben’s conversation with Phil ran through his mind. 

_Phil had called him and asked him to come to the house as quickly as he could. Ben had left Jay at the carlot and rushed off to the Mitchell patriarchs home. When he got there, his dad was pacing around the living room leaving Ben wondering what kind of trouble his dad had got himself into that he was this worried._

_When he eventually got his dad to stop pacing, he explained that he was having some money troubles, and had done a job in the wrong area. The people he’d stolen from were obviously none too happy about it and he needed Ben’s help to get some people together and sort it out._

_As Phil spoke, he couldn’t help the feeling of deja vu that he got when his dad once again asked him to get involved in something dodgy that had nothing to do with him. The last time he’d done something like this for his dad, it had nearly ruined his relationship with Callum. He could not let himself make that mistake again. He wouldn’t._

_So he stopped the cycle._

_“Will this change anything?” Ben questioned Phil._

_The confusion on Phil’s face answered his question because if Phil thought there was nothing to change then that was the end of the conversation but Ben felt the need to explain and throw in a few home truths for Phil as well._

_“What- what are you on about? Are you even listening to me Ben?!”_

_“I’m asking if you’re listening to me dad because I don’t think you are. I don’t think you’ve ever truly listened or heard me in your life.” Phil continued looking at Ben like he’d grown two heads, never having seen this side of Ben directed at him. “I have bent over backwards ten times over just to get the smallest bit of approval from you. I am choosing the man who was there for me when I needed him, the man who supported me despite everything I am and have been. I am choosing the man who chose to love me. I choose him because he chose me.”_

_Chest heaving, Ben stumbled back slightly finally feeling like someone had unwrapped his wings and set him free. Phil remained silent, seemingly still unable to comprehend Ben cutting off their relationship the way he just did. He seemed to be in a state of shock but Ben didn’t care. With a scoff at Phil, he took a final look at the despicable excuse of a man he no longer deemed a father and walked out of the house the door slamming shut with finality signifying the end of their relationship and the conversation._

“Ben?” The sound of Callum calling and shaking him gently brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to face Callum with a gentle smile. 

“Hm?”

“What did you say?” Callum repeated his question, still anxiously waiting for an answer.

“Nothing. I told him to do one. I told him,” Ben shuffled closer until their knees were touching and he reached out gently for one of Callum’s hands, enveloping in both of his, rubbing a thumb softly over his knuckles. “I told him that I choose you. I choose you because you chose me. You chose to love me despite my flaws, and god there are a lot of them, and despite all the baggage that comes with me. So, I choose you.” 

Ben subconsciously held onto Callum’s hand tighter as he nervously waited for his boyfriends response. When Callum finally tipped his head up, Ben saw tears glistening in his eyes and rubbed his thumb across Callum’s knuckles as a form of comfort. A soft smile crossed Callum’s face and Ben felt himself relax slightly as he realised they were happy tears.

“Do you,” Callum cleared his throat before starting again. “Do you really mean that? Do you really choose me?” 

“Of course I do. How could I not?”

Callum averted his eyes looking past Ben’s shoulder. “You’re sure you won’t regret it?”

Ben nudged Callum’s face, making sure to make eye contact with him so Callum could see how genuine Ben was being when he spoke, “hey, I am never going to regret this. I could never regret this. You are the best thing that has happened to me, okay? You once told me that you would never ask me to choose between you or him but to tell ya the truth, even if you had, the choice would have been clear to me. It was never any competition between you, not really, not when it really counted. ”

“I just, I don’t want you to look back on this one day and wish you’d done things differently.”

“I choose you. No regrets about it. I. Choose. You. Callum Highway.”

**Author's Note:**

> [@mitchellandhighway on tumblr](https://mitchellandhighway.tumblr.com/)   
>  [@callumhiqhway on twitter](https://twitter.com/callumhiqhway)


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